I get hate mail once in a while, believe it or not. Not so often that I can't reply though and sometimes I do. Below is an actual email that came into my office recently that was, well, pretty pissy. I responded to it and then the pissed off sender responded to my response. I showed the corresponce to a friend and he encouraged me to post it. I've stripped out the last name to protect the person who wrote me the hateful email.
It's so important you understand that NOT A SINGLE word of the correspondence below has been altered or omitted or inserted. My brief personal comment about the correspondence is at the end of this column).
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From: "craig "
Date: Sun, 05 Dec 2004 16:38:21 -0500
To: debbie@goodthink.com
Subject: My thoughts on Patrick
I enjoyed your story until.... People wanted to tip you and you so graciously accepted. You are truly a scumbag. Paint yourself as a man who began a check cashing joke that suddenly took on an alternate meaning; exploitation of laws, morality, publicity. You proved your point, and it was funny. Why the fuck did you ruin it. PAY-PAL for tips, DVD's, one man show. All of these things ruined the charm of your story. You made it seem like your only goal was to prove a point, when really it was to become a pompous one trick pony. After reading this story I can't believe people actually pay to hear you tell it.
You are not Hemmingway. The crappy descriptions of your cat, the shining sidewalk, the doors of the buildings, etc. were all just filler. I wasted a lot of time reading this shit, when the entire thing could have been told in a few paragraphs. I feel that writing this e-mail will diffuse some of my frustration towards you, but I may just punch a couple of walls. Continue to define yourself by a story that lasted for a few months, you douchebag. I'm sure your meaningful career as an asshole story teller will provide you with satisfaction for many more years. If you are, or ever decide to be, a motivational speaker again, make sure to tell the impressionable students that the best way to be successful is to take money from people, that they don't deserve. It seems to have worked for you. I have a story that you might enjoy.
The other day I helped an old lady cross the street. Speeding cars of all colors passed. She shivered in fear as we quickly jaunted across the reflective cross walk. Finnaly we reached our final destination, the other side of the road. I assured the frail woman that everything was OK. She then offered me five dollars for my help. I took it. Then I alerted the newspapers of what I had done. Send me some money if you liked that story, you huge ass.
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From: Patrick Combs
Date: December 6, 2004 9:42:52 AM PST
To: Craig
Subject: good morning
Good Morning Craig,
I'm writing you back on your email about my $95,000 check story. Wowza, it pissed you off. Hopefully you did not hit any walls! And hopefully you did feel better after emailing me.
I'm writing you back because I rarely get such a disappointed reaction to my story and I really wanted you to know that you were heard. That your email wasn't a waste. That it didn't disappear straight into some email trash container on a personal assistant's desk. It did reach me. I did read it. I did get your point.
You were right on many fronts. I have taken this story WELL beyond the point of the story, and I have reached the point where it's not really about the story anymore as it is about many enterprises around the story. As for why I did it... well, I guess because the stories been such a nice opportunity to do the thing I dreamed of doing - a one man show.
You're also right about me being no Hemmingway! (Admittedly, I don't give you as much credit here for noticing as I think this is MUCH more obvious than the first thing you caught). I myself don't think much of myself as a writer. Nor do publishers. You may be happy to know
that the story as a book has been rejected by more than 70 publishers - so you my friend are VERY right. I stand with no defense or rebuttal.
Might I suggest though that you'd like the ORIGINAL
write-up of the story better? Perhaps you missed it, but it says right at the beginning of the story, 'if you don't like details and my thoughts' read the Original version. I'm pretty sure I don't talk about shiny sidewalks and such in the original version. Try it. You might like it better.
And to respond to your last couple of points. I am still a motivational speaker, but you know I can't take your suggestion. I don't feel that way, and I'd rather tell students to follow their dreams, seize opportunities, and take chances. Yes, you will "suffer the slings and arrows" of those who are naysayers or frustrated with their own lives, but more importantly you will meet with uncommon and extraordinary success.
As for your story and request for a tip, first off, it's funny. There's not getting around it - it's a funny story. You my friend may have a talent for biting humor. Think the Daily Show! On the other hand, I think you wrote it while you were mad. And pardon me for saying, but I think you wrote it a bit tongue in cheek (a nice way of putting it).
But should you want to properly solicit a tip from me, do the following, send me a link, and I'm likely to send you one:
1. write up your story a bit better. I'm not criticizing your writing - honest - but there's a spelling mistake in it and one sentence where you use the word 'final' and 'finally' right next to each other which could be improved. Secondly, give me a little context and this could be a decent story. Who are you? Tell us more about you. And what's going on in your life the morning this happens? Do you always help people across the street? Why this woman? Also, and perhaps most importantly, how did you feel when the woman offered you the money? Surprised? Bewildered? Happy? Bad? Your readers know what they would have felt, but we want to know what YOU felt. You're the central character in the story. Also, let us know why you phoned the papers? To put a positive story into the news? Or to feel better about yourself? Or to get a crosswalk sign on a much needed corner? And finally, a secret to storytelling I learned at the price of $2500.00 (I hired a solo show writing coach to help me develop my one man show). Great storytelling lies in the GAP between what you expected to happen and what happened. What did you expect to happen by helping her across the street? Anyhow, give your writing another go. I think you can sweeten this story.
2. Post the story to the net. Scan a photo perhaps. Buy a URL for it.
3. Add a PayPal button.
Do these simple things, let me know, and I promise you I'll send a tip. People are nice enough to send me tips and that's all I did (well times 1027 if you calculate the word count difference between our stories) but I'll send
you a tip for your writing efforts. Believe me, I understand wanting to be paid for my creative efforts.
Any how Craig, thanks for your email and happy holidays, Write me again if you would.
Patrick
Patrick Combs
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Begin forwarded message:
From: "craig "
To: pcombs@goodthink.com
Subject: This blows my mind
Just like the check you wrote, I expected nothing to come of my email. I was bored (hence "I-am-bored.com"), so I read your story. I saw the advice on the "original story", but I had nothing but time on my hands. It was Sunday and I'm not a football fan. I was shocked when I saw "Patrick Combs" as the subject of the email, and much more surprised to see that you actually wrote it. Your email was a breath of fresh air.
Your humility and integrity to take my not-so-constructive-criticism, and spin it into something meaningful, was amazing. You remind me of this kid I knew in college. I was in a fraternity, called FIJI, or Phi Gamma Delta, at the University of Rhode Island. We had a rival fraternity, Lambda Chi Alpha. They were, collectively, pacifists. We were more like the guys from Animal House. Every time we saw them, at a bar, Greek week, where-ever, we harassed them. I was at a bar one night for a get together with a sorority. Some of the Lambda guys were there. As far as I was concerned, I was going to pick on someone. One of the girls came up to me and introduced me to "Luke" from Lambda. I was ready to be as rude and relentless as possible. He extended his hand, I reluctantly shook it. I said "so, you're one of them Lambda fags". He said, smiling "yes I am". What could I say? He continued to talk with me, even though I had just called him a fag. We spoke for a while, and to this day I consider him a friend of mine. I believe that it takes a big man to use the Dr. Martin Luther King tactic of "killing them with kindness". You and Luke are alike in that way.
I can now see how you gained your success. Never shudder in the face of adversity. I may be just assuming, but I bet, even if my letter was written by someone very important, you would have reacted the same way. You're a bigger man than me. If someone wrote me the email that I wrote you, I would have sent back 50 emails that were 10 times as nasty.
I believe that our encounter has taught me a few good lessons.
1. Never think that an email will go unnoticed no matter who you send it to.
2. Try to be more humble.
3. Use spell check.
I don't know if you're interested, but since I learned so much about you, I'll tell you about my current situation. I graduated from URI last December with a Bachelor's Degree in Turf Management and Urban Horticulture. This basically means that I grow grass for a living. I started a job at a local lawn care company for $30.000/year. Much to my chagrin, he laid me off in October. I figured that with my degree, I should not be getting laid off, so I quit, on good terms. Now I am looking for anything to pay the bills (new car, insurance, rent, girlfriend, etc). I got a part-time job at UPS as a driver's helper. It doesn't pay the bills, but it gets me out of the house. I'm now looking into to becoming a police officer (my how the tides change). That's pretty much where I stand right now. Basically, I have told you this personal information because I feel it would give you a better idea of just who craigmack1023 is (sorry about the third person reference, I almost felt like Ricky Henderson). So believe me, I'm not the one(unemployed and broke) to call you any names or judge the path you have chosen in your life. After thinking about your decision to make the check story a big part of your one man show, it makes sense (and believe me when I tell you I never actually thought I would think about your story again).
You telling your story over and over is just like Metallica still playing "Enter the Sand Man" or George Carlin still telling political jokes, or Howard Stern's constant "dick and fart jokes". If it works, stick with it. Good for you. I only wish that I had a goal, other than making money, then maybe I could choose the right direction for my life to go. If anything, my email was probably subconsciously based on jealousy of your success. Please accept my apology for the obscenities used in my first email. Like I said, I didn't think anyone would read it, let alone respond to it. If I did know that someone was going to read it I probably would have been a little more eloquent. By the way, I don't want a tip (very funny). Even if you don't respond to this email, I wish you luck with your one-man-show and I'm sure that you're a very effective motivational speaker.
If you're ever in RI, send me an email, dinner's on me. Also, if you want to speak a URI, I know a few people on the student entertainment committee and I could do some name dropping (sometimes it's not what you know but...)
Thanks for the humbling experience,
Craig
P.S. I never knew "chagrin" was spelt that way until I used spell check, thanks for the advice.
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My response was simple: I just assumed the best about the sender and hoped to offer him the acknowledgement, respect and understanding that might make him feel better. A friend of mine called my response "non-violent communication." I don't know what my approach might be called, but this isn't the first time I've seen hate mail sender turn to a friend after just one or two kind responses in the face of their anger. I've learned that anger and hate aren't directed at you aren't about you - feelings of anger and rage are about the person spewing them - and are usually signs that the person is hurting in some very real way.
As for Craig's rapid reversal: as a matter of fact, I believe Craig deserves all the credit. I was so inspired by the vulnerability and courage evident in his quick turnaround.
Live Kind. |
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A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.
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Kindness has converted more sinners than zeal, eloquence or learning.
--Frederick W. Faber
Kindness is the ability to love someone more than they deserve.
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Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
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